By BAKANG MOKOTO
13 November 2025- The Senior Psychologist and Clinical lead at North West University’s (NWU) Centre for Health and Human Performance (CHHP), Dr Rümando Kok said navigating human relationships can be a maze of conflict and misunderstandings, especially in the close-knit relationship dynamics of couples and families. Kok said they are actively promoting healthy interpersonal relationships through expert-led conversations and therapy sessions.
He further said a positive new trend is emerging. Kok added that younger couples are increasingly seeking therapy as a preventive measure before getting married or entering long-term relationships.
“It seems to be a generational shift. They view it as an investment in their relationship rather than a last resort. This reflects a healthy, progressive attitude to mental well-being and to addressing possible obstacles in their relationships head-on.
“Therapy and counselling can provide a sort of “psychological x-ray” of a relationship, empowering couples to understand their specific dynamic, strengths, weaknesses and possible sources of conflict. It helps them to identify issues they should work on from the start to ensure a strong and healthy relationship,” he said.
Kok said counselling and therapy are also very beneficial to families. He said that when psychologists work with couples, they view them as a single dyad – one pair with two parts.
“It is a two-person relational system. A family dynamic is different. It involves multiple dyads that can include the romantic partnership between parents, their relationships as caregivers, and the connections between parents and children.
“Each relationship affects the others, creating a complex system of interactions. Couples and family therapy focus on understanding how these systems function and where relational patterns may have become ineffective,” said Kok.
He said families usually approach them when these systems are not functioning optimally. Kok said conflict is a common reason for therapy.
“Conflict remains the most common reason families seek help. People often become reactive instead of interactive, or reflexive rather than reflective. Other issues include infidelity, communication difficulties, unclear roles and emotional disconnection.
“Many conflicts arise from unspoken assumptions. People assume responsibilities without talking about them. These implicit expectations easily lead to tension. Emotional disengagement is another challenge,” he said.
Kok said families may manage daily routines well but still feel disconnected emotionally. He said the power struggles are also a recurring theme.
“We talk about ‘one-up’, ‘one-down’ and ‘equal’ positions. Healthy relationships require flexibility to move between these roles. Problems arise when someone rigidly stays in one position. One-up refers to a person attempting to dominate another. One-down refers to a person taking a subservient stance and an equal stance reflects a balance.
“Therapy can also occur indirectly. Even if the family does not attend together, one member can still influence the system. We offer three key strategies for nurturing healthy relationships. Aim for good enough rather than perfect,” said Kok.
He said perfection is impossible in an imperfect world. Kok said accept your limitations and do your best with what you have.
The Guardian 