QUESTION: My sex life with my boyfriend of a year is dull because he only ever wants to have sex in the same position. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he shies away from intimate conversations. I love him and don’t want to end the relationship, but I can’t bear such routine love-making.

ANSWER: When I read your letter I had just stepped from a London taxi where the driver had told me he owned 25 identical shirts, so he could wear the same outfit every day.

This sort of obdurate consistency is not unusual among men. Many enjoy routine and this tendency can extend to the bedroom.

I imagine your boyfriend feels safe and confident with one sexual position. He’s mastered a particular approach to sex and presumably finds it’s a reliable source of pleasure. Where he’s made a mistake, however, is in believing this brings you equal bliss.

Your partner may feel he’s reliable in bed, rather than dull. It will be hard for him to acknowledge he’s controlling the sexual relationship to the exclusion of your preferences.

If your man hasn’t allowed you to voice your dissatisfaction clearly, he probably has little idea how unhappy you are. You need to open a full and frank dialogue with your lover, without knocking his ego so badly he doesn’t dare make love again.

You say your boyfriend has ducked away from your best attempts at discussion. Many men find intimate conversations mortifying and can’t enter into them without the aid of alcohol or even mild threats (“You’re dumped unless you open up”).

You need to find a time and place where your chap can’t beat an easy retreat. A restaurant or hotel room would prevent a dash to the safety of the potting shed.

It’s also important to be warm rather than critical. Lack of imagination isn’t the same as being actively selfish, so don’t be too tough on the poor man.

And do bear in mind that a previous lover may have made your partner feel nervous about experimentation.

We need only one person to pour scorn over our attempt at sex to wither like a popped balloon. Creatures of habit need coaxing and praise to try something new – the key thing is not to frighten them by going too far.

It looks as if you will have to be the innovator in the relationship if you want to shake up things. I wonder if you’ve tried taking the initiative in bed?

You could even claim that a bad back or strained ligament means that you can’t make love in his preferred manner.

If you suggest something new in a sensual way perhaps he’ll be willing to be more adventurous.

I’d also advise you to buy a couple of good, clear, unthreatening sex guides that you can read together. The Joy Of Sex is to the bedroom as Delia Smith is to the kitchen. The Rough Guide To Sex is a bit more youthful, while Tracey Cox’s Hot Sex covers all the bases.

If none of this works, you will have to settle for becoming a creature of habit yourself or issue an ultimatum.

It seems to me that you can’t have equality in bed if one lover imposes their sexual tastes to the exclusion of their partner’s. – Daily Mail

Pretoria – Paralympian murder accused Oscar Pistorius’s legal team has examined the toilet door through which Reeva Steenkamp was shot dead, it was reported on Tuesday.

National police spokesman Brigadier Phuti Setati told Beeld the door was taken to the athlete’s home in Silver Woods Estate, in Pretoria, on Friday as part of the investigation and was being retained as evidence.

The newspaper reported that investigators appointed by Pistorius’s legal team had asked to see the door in its original position in the house.

The damaged door was removed the day after Steenkamp’s death, because it was considered to be a crucial piece of evidence.

After being examined by the defence team, the door was taken back by the police.

On Monday, the British broadcaster, the BBC, aired a documentary about the shooting, in which it interviewed Steenkamp’s ex-boyfriend Warren Lahoud, who claimed to have met her for coffee two days before she was killed. – Sapa

Pretoria – Oscar Pistorius wants a court to allow him to drink alcohol if he wants and maybe even visit the sunny shores of Mozambique before his trial starts.

The Olympic and Paralympic star is charged with his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp’s murder.

Less than a month after he paid R1 million bail money and was allowed to go home, Pistorius now wants more freedom.

Since his release Oscar, 26, has stayed behind closed doors at his uncle Arnold Pistorius’ home in Pretoria.

He had to hand over all his firearms and agree to not leave the country or drink any alcohol.

Speaking through his personal assistant, Arnold said being stuck at home is one of the first bail conditions Oscar wants changed.

For more details go to http://www.iol.co.za

Johannesburg – Little Nonhlanhla’s fingertips fell off her small hand one by one. It started with the thumb, then the ring finger, followed by the middle finger. The pinky and the index fingertips fell off last.

The girl’s mother, Precious Mjikwa, recalls how, a week after she took her newborn twins home, she felt a fingertip fall into her jacket and onto her chest.

“I was holding her, and when I looked down, my chest had some blood on it. I pulled it out and saw it was one of Nonhlanhla’s fingers. A fingertip would fall off every other day,” she said.

Mjikwa keeps her baby’s five charred-looking fingertips in a brown paper bag and cries every time she looks at them.

For more details go to http://www.iol.co.za

A rampant start to the second half gave Banyana Banyana their first victory at the Cyprus Cup as they beat Northern Ireland 2-1 at the Tasos Markou stadium in Paralimni on Monday afternoon.

After a slow start and a rather dull first half, it was the two second half substitutions made by coach Joseph Mkhonza that livened things up. The two sides came into the match having not scored nor registered a point in their opening two Group C encounters in the tournament but that was to change.

Shortly after resumption, Mkhonza brought in Gloria Thato and Robyn Moodaly to operate on the wings, and it was their superb work on the flanks that made the telling changes, resulting in strikers Jermaine Seoposenwe and Andisiwe Mgcoyi manufacture the much-needed victory for the African silver medallists. Moodaly and Seoposenwe, the two talented youngsters promoted from Basetsana, scored the two goals within a space of five minutes.

First, Thato linked well with Mgcoyi on the left wing and the tall striker controlled the ball with her right foot and whipped in a delightful cross which was brilliantly volleyed into the back of the net by Moodaly.

Shortly after that opener, Banyana got the second goal. Thato’s neat interchange with Nothando Vilakazi saw the later cross from the left wing for Seoposenwe to easily slot the ball home at the near post to make it 2-0 for Banyana.

As was the case with their defeat to Republic of Ireland last Friday, Banyana Banyana again dominated the contest for most parts of the match and should have added a couple more goals had the outstanding destroyer Refiloe Jane and debutant Shiwe Nogwaya been more accurate in front of goals towards the end of the match.

“We may have won but it was not an easy outing. The substitutions made us change our system, which completely caught the opponents off guard. But overall, we are thrilled with the result and being able to finally find the target in Cyprus,” said Jane, Banyana Banyana’s vice captain after the match.

The central defensive pair of Lebogang Mabatle and Janine van Wyk defended with aplomb but despite their heroics, they could not prevent Northern Ireland’s Lynda Sheperd from scoring the consolation goal. The striker flicked the ball home from a free kick to make the final score 2-1.

The 2012 African Women championship runners up will play Northern Ireland again on Wednesday morning (11h00) to determine places for the 11th and 12th spot.

Ninehealth facilities across the province have been equipped with Gene Xpert machines, new technology that helps with quick diagnosis of tuberculosis (TB).

The nine hospitals are Mahikeng, Ganyesa, Tshepong, Job Shimankane Tabane, Nic Bodenstein, Taung, Joe Morolong and Potchefstroom.

The Gene Xpert machine is a new technology used to test for TB and it can detect if a person is infected with the disease within two hours.

It can also detect if the TB bacterium of the person has resistance to one of the common TB drugs and is expected to go a long way in fighting the disease in the province.

Provincial health department spokesperson, Tebogo Lekgethwane, said the Gene Xpert had already been tested in facilities in the Western Cape, KwaZulu-Natal and Gauteng in 2010.

“This is a great development in the fight against TB as the technological development now makes it possible for quick results turnaround, meaning patients who come out positive can be immediately put on treatment.

“With the use of new technology more people are now being diagnosed with TB,” he said.

Between 2009 and 2011, North West province recorded 300 to 380 cases of Extreme Drug Resistance (XDR) TB, a strain of the disease that is most difficult to cure.

Lekgethwane said the new cases far exceeded bed capacity of 76 beds at Klerksdorp Tshepong Hospital Complex’s multi-drug resistant (MDR) TB Unit but the new technology would help mitigate on this challenge.

“The department readies itself to roll-out the implementation of the Gene Xpert in all hospitals.

“There are also efforts to decentralise the MDR TB treatment to other hospitals. Taung, Gelukspan and Koster hospitals were identified to offer MDR TB services and Taung has already registered noteworthy achievements after two patients were certified to have been completely cured from MDR TB,” Lekgethwane said.

He added that the province had about 96 MDR in-patients with 20 being attended to at the Taung hospital.

“MDR cure rate in the province currently stands at 55%. Three primary healthcare facilities have been identified in Moretele, Madibeng and Maquassi Hills sub districts in Bojanala and Dr Kenneth Kaunda districts respectively for community MDR decentralisation.

For more details go to http://www.thenewage.co.za

The murder trial of a 16-year-old boy accused of killing a Griquatown family was scheduled to continue in the Northern Cape High Court on Tuesday.

The youth is accused of murdering Deon Steenkamp, 44, his wife Christelle, 43, and daughter Marthella, 14.

On Monday, the boy pleaded not guilty to all three murder charges.

He also pleaded not guilty to a charge of rape and another of defeating the ends of justice.

Also on Monday, the court was shown images of the victims for the first time.

One photo showed a man lying on his stomach, wearing a blue shirt with the words “South Africa” on the back. There was a blood smear on the floor next to him.

Another photo showed a woman in a neon green top and blue shorts lying on her side. It was not clear whether it was the mother or her daughter.

Magazines were also seen scattered across the floor beside a small coffee table.

The images were shown as part of crime scene expert Colonel Sietze Alberts’ testimony. – Sapa

Johannesburg – The bail application of nine police officers accused of killing Daveyton taxi driver Mido Macia is expected to continue in the Benoni Magistrate’s Court on Tuesday.

The officers face charges of murder for allegedly handcuffing Macia to the back of a police van and dragging him along the street in Daveyton last month.

On Monday, prosecutor December Mthimunye said an autopsy found Macia had extensive internal and external injuries, and had died as a result of hypoxia.

The autopsy revealed Macia had extensive haemorrhaging in his right lung and in the tissue surrounding his heart.

Macia was found dead in the local police station’s holding cells several hours later.

The State claims it has a “watertight case” against the officers.

Magistrate Sam Makamu said proceedings would resume at 8.30am on Tuesday. – Sapa

A miner’s version of the August 16 Marikana shooting was questioned by the Farlam Commission of Inquiry in Rustenburg on Monday.

Mzoxolo Magidiwana said at the place where police officers shot him there were two journalists — a white journalist and a rastafarian, implying it was a black man with dreadlocks.

“The journalists saw the violence by police officers,” he said through an interpreter.

He told the commission he was shot, and when he fell to the ground a Xhosa-speaking police officer with a handgun shot at him at close range.

Vuyani Ngalwana, for the police, said Magidiwana’s was an “elaborate story and serious allegations”.

“Are you suggesting that police were shooting at you when you were lying on the ground?” Ngalwana asked.

Magidiwana replied: “Yes.”

He said police chased away the two journalists, and that it seemed as if the rastafarian was injured. Ngalwana asked permission to show a video taken “after the initial eight seconds of firing occurred” to see if the footage corroborated Magidiwana’s evidence.

When the footage started playing, Magidiwana identified himself as one of the men on the ground. The footage shows armed police officers standing, and people on the ground. Shots are fired occasionally.

Ngalwana put it to Magidiwana that the footage does not show a policeman with a handgun firing at him. He accused the miner of seeing what he wanted to see.

Magidiwana said as he was lying on the ground, officers walked past him and returned to shoot him. This was not in the video, he said.

“Some of the things were captured but were not shown,” he said.

“I am talking about something that is on my body. I can undress and show you,” he said, referring to his gunshot wounds.

He claimed the police stopped firing at the miners because they “got tired of shooting and killing” and decided to remove the injured and arrest those not injured.

The commission heard that a police officer called for medical assistance for the injured miners.

Commission chairman, retired judge Ian Farlam, asked if the police calling for help showed “they weren’t out to murder”.

However, Magidiwana said this was putting it in a “good way”.

“If they were not evil people they would not have done what they did that day.”

Farlam said: “No stone should be left unturned to find those journalists if they exist. We have to keep an open mind. Our work is to find the truth.”

The commission is probing the deaths of 44 people during an unprotected strike at Lonmin’s platinum mine in Marikana last year.

On August 16, 34 striking mineworkers were shot dead and 78 injured when police opened fire while trying to disperse a group which had gathered on a hill near the mine.

Ten people, including two police officers and two security guards, were killed near the mine in the preceding week.

On Monday morning, the commission heard that human tissue and blood were used to make stronger muti to protect striking mineworkers.

The sons of a sangoma told the miners certain rituals would “render them strong, invincible, and invisible”, Ngalwana said.

Ngalwana put it to Magidiwana that a police witness, identified only as “Mr X”, would testify that a group known as the “Makarapa” were not afraid of police and took part in various rituals to protect themselves.

He said the Makarapa received cuts and muti was put onto the wounds.

“Mr X would testify that the muti would prevent bullets from penetrating the skin, the sons of the sangoma told the Makarapa,” he said.

Magidiwana denied being part of the Makarapa group and said it was the first time he heard of such rituals.

“I said to you that this Mr X must come and answer on his version,” Magidiwana added.

The commission resumes on Tuesday with further cross-examination of Magidiwana.

–Sapa