
THE year is almost over! We’re heading for the New Year and people will be aiming for a fresh start in many areas of their lives.
One of the areas where you might want a fresh start is in your relationship and today SunBuzz shares tips with you to help you make a fresh start in your love life.
A well-known relationship expert in the social networks circles, Mike Fiore, shares in one of his newsletters what he perceives as the seven deadly sins of love.
Mike said if you can avoid any of these in your relationship, you’re well on your way to a
successful one.
He names the following things as bad behaviour and toxic attitudes that should be kicked out if you want a successful relationship:
– Criticism: Dr John Gottman of the University of Washington says criticism is the gateway to a toxic relationship.
Dragging your partner over the coals not just for their actions but for who they are – is wrong. Healthy criticism can be constructive but too much bad criticism is destructive.
– Control: You should be home by 9.30pm. I have to be up early tomorrow and you know I can’t sleep if you’re not there. “Telling them when to be home, how to dress, saying who they can or can’t hang out with and treating your partner like a child who needs permission to do things, is bad and often leads to abuse,” Mike said.
– Emotional dishonesty: Lying about how you feel is not healthy. “It’s way too easy to keep parroting words like ‘I love you’ long after they lose all their juice because you feel like you should still feel that way or you don’t want to make waves,” he warned.
– Prince Charming syndrome: This happens to women a lot more than to men.
A woman will say: “I met this guy. He’s almost perfect! “He fits 95% of what’s on my list and if I can just get him to grow three inches I’ll be SO happy.”
And then they absolutely sabotage what could have been a great relationship by focusing all their time and energy on what’s WRONG with a guy (or girl) instead of what’s RIGHT with them.
– Over-compromising: Compromising in A RELATIONSHIP is wonderful and necessary but overdoing it is not. “Folks compromise to the lowest common denominator and nobody ends up happy,” warned Mike.
– Misunderstanding love: “If you love me, you’ll do anything,” is a popular line. Mike said up until the middle ages when guys in silly hats started writing lovely poems about heaving bosoms and plays about desperate teenagers committing suicide because their families wouldn’t let them be together, the whole concept of romantic love didn’t even exist. “But love is hard work and a choice,” he said.
– Resentment: To be successful in love, you need to be your partner’s biggest cheerleader, their port of safety and the one person who will always forgive them for annoying you and pissing you off.
“For most people, resentment builds up over months and years and decades until you can’t even look at the person you used to love without bile and angst and contempt,” Mike said.
Accept people for who they are and forgive them for not being who you want them to be and celebrate their flaws as much as you do their merits!
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